Thursday, January 21, 2010

How to be a friend

This is not a meant to get people to say "I am your friend." Just some observations about myself.

Someone tell me the secret to this. I am 39 years old and I am still lost. Really. I have friends, I know that. Don't get me wrong. I just don't know how to 'be a friend'. I have one that I talk to on a regular basis, I call her, we spend time together, share meals, etc... everyone else seems distant. I wait for them to call, for them to include me, for them to make the first move so to say.

I rarely call people on the phone. I always feel weird if I call for 'no' reason. I don't email for the same reason. I guess I don't know how to chit-chat. Then I worry that people will wonder why I called. Although, once a conversation starts, I can keep it going.

As time goes on, I think it would be okay to call, text, email someone. Then I think it would be odd if I started now, after several years of knowing each other. Why am I starting now? Would it seem odd for me to start saying hello by text? Would they think I was trying to be someone else? Would they see me as being pushy? Would they respond just in kind?

So the vicious cycle starts and stops and I stay limited in my contacts. I wait for people to seek my out, invite me, text me, talk to me.

I know how this all came about. I moved more times than can remember. Every time it was the same scenario. People would talk to you, size you up, put you in the social group you belonged, then some would stop talking to you. I learned to keep quiet and wait for the people who would be my friends to come along. Too much risk involved in putting myself out there.

Now, I am a grown woman. I have lived in the same place for almost 8 years (a record for me), worked in the same place for 4 years; yet these old feelings persist. Heck, I have internet friends I have known for these 8 years, and I am still just as nervous as ever.

I know some very wise women, so if you could share this secret with me, I would be most grateful. It is so scary to me that the things we learn as children and teens stay with us longer than any other lessons.

1 comment:

Donna said...


For the first time ever, someone has finally put into words how I feel at times. I can totally relate to this blog.

I do not like to chat on the phone anymore - I used to chat all the time - well before the days of internet or even CORDLESS phones. I loved to chat with my friends and family on the phone. I wrote letters.

I wonder if perhaps technology has taken a bit of the personal touch out of things and we have lost our communication skills?

Sometimes, I just don't feel I have anything to say and I struggle to keep a conversation going. The internet is safe for me - no risk. I feel as if I am intruding on people if I call them, that I'm catching them at a bad time.

Friendship seems to come so easy for some people - just the gift of gab seems to be natural for some - not me.

So I am really hoping someone posts something here that will shed some light for BOTH of us!

and you can email me anytime girl!!! After all, we have slept together!!!! BWAHHAHAAHAAA